So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
