then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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