I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
