she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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