Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
please come you make the beer taste better
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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