Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
