I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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