im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
