Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
