hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
