Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
