mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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