I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
