I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
