I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
