Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
