he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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