ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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