You just made me feel so damn special
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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