I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
