drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
