So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
