i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
