singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
