He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
