My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
