the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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