I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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