i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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