Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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