my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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