Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
