Got a toothbrush?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
