i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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