dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
