Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
