dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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