well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
