my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize