Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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