We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
