Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
