perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
