So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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