I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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