I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
