I need to stop coming to work sober
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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