Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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