i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
