I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
