Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
