Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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