Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
