i may or may not be watching the land before time
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
