i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
