Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
