Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
