A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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