During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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