the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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