And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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