Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
