Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
