She's JV to your varsity
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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