Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Semen is not good for contacts.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
