Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize