I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
