If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
