i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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