tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
