I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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