That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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