Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
