holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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