so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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