Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
