I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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