I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
