They should really pass out barf bags in church
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
