she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
