And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I didn't notice because vodka
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
