What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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