I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
