is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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