Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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