How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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