He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No stitches, just platelets and will power
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize