The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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