When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
