Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
