Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
