girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
