apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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