her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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