Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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