I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
