we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
